Simplifying Sarah

Posts Tagged ‘depression

…and one mile backward.

Ever feel like that’s how life is going? I feel like Mr. W. and I have taken several awesome steps forward lately, but we hit a semi, and got pushed a mile backward. Nothing has ever been easy in my life, and I’m definitely not complaining… but I didn’t think that my streak of difficult would last so long in my life. Oh I really hope things change on my birthday, for the better. Here’s to the next 27 years of good stuff! (I hope).

More later,
-Mrs. W.

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I feel like I’ve been experiencing so many changes in life, lately. I’m learning a few things about change, and I guess my first ‘real’ post on wordpress can be this blog. Just a few thoughts I’ve had running around my brain.
When everything changes…

Where are you?
When everything changes in life, where do you go? Do you turn to God, to your church, and to your brothers and sisters in Christ… or do you turn to “the world”? The world can only offer superficial things, depression, heartache, loneliness… possibly happiness, but not true joy. I’m noticing more and more that I used to turn to the world, even though I loved God. It wasn’t that I didn’t know better- I just didn’t think about my actions, before I acted out… this definitely led to some instability and depression. Now, I’m trying to stop freaking out when stuff starts cracking… I’ve been turning more to God- letting him pick up the pieces, count them, and put Humpty back together again. My glue kind of sucks, even when I’m successful in and of myself. However, God’s glue is more potent than Gorilla Glue.

Who are you?
When everything changes in life, who are you? I’ve been thining lately about things I’ve seen and done in my past, as well as things I’ve seen others do. I’ve seen people go through times of change and lose their identity. One minute you know them, and the next minute they act completely different, and sometimes it makes you think ‘Who are you, and where did _____ go?’ Those moments are OUCH moments. Ouch when you have to ask someone that, because they’re typically offended, and ouch when it’s your turn to be asked those questions… It’s like- hold up, whoa, stop for a minute, sorry for the inconvenience, but in whom does your identity lie? I’m guilty of saying I’m a Daughter of the King, but when it comes to harsh changes, questioning that same King. In those times, I need to ask myself “Hold up, who are you- and where did Sarah really go?”

What are you?
When everything changes, what are you really made of? This isn’t really a point as much as it is a question. I’d say that concerning Mr. W’s job changes we’ve dealt with since marriage, that I’ve consistently been in a whirlwind of change. Sometimes it feels like just when the winds stop blowing, and things start to settle, I see the trees blowing softly again, the winds starting all over again. My faith needs to be built on solid rock, not shifting sands. There is nothing worse than a windy day at the beach when you get sand blown into your eyes. It’s happened to me before, and it basically sucks. If you build your faith, and your foundation on something shifty, it’ll ruin your vision and your perspective.

Once again, Mr. W is changing jobs. We’re hoping and praying that this job will be the one he gets hired in full time. It’s been since December of 2008 since he’s had a full time permanent job (not through a temp service). I feel as if my glue bottle is empty, and God is the only one I can turn to. People ask why he is changing jobs so much, and I don’t have an answer- I just don’t know. All of this has helped me grow into a woman who turns to God, and who isn’t afraid of asking for help from her church family… I’m also no longer afraid of boldly proclaiming that I am a Child of God, and that I’m pretty sure I don’t have bones, I have steel rods that keep me standing. 🙂 Okay, maybe no steel rods, but I’m solid.

Where, Who, and What…Three questions to ask yourself in the midst of change… and maybe just maybe, the “Why is this happening to me?” won’t overtake you as much.

Praying God’s Best,
-Mrs. W.